Dates & Wires

The year is 1995, and you're newly single, ready to mingle... and fresh off the plane in Stradania, the dysfunctional micronation whose chief exports are pig iron, human misery, and radioactive souvenir mugs.

Your travel guides have steered you to the hottest nightclub in town. Now it's up to you to seize the evening by getting up close and intimate with Stradania's Most Eligible Vaguely Handsome Self-Absorbed Guys You Happened to Spot in the Club: